Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
