Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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