So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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