What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't deserve a penis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I deserve this hangover.
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