you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
