shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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