ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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