Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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