so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
