Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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