Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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