We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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