Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
