He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
