is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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