Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
