gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A bitchslap is in order.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
