Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
