I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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