Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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