those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
