Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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