I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
