Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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