this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
