Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
