My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
