Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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