I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
