Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize