Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
