i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
