you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
