3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize