I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
