Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
