Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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