Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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