You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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