Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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