Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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