The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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