Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
