I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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