I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Your dad touched me again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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