My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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