WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
