i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
