Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
