Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
