when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize