Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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