I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
