Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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