i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
