You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
