Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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