Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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