i think my tv is drunk
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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