Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
