Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
