dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
