And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
