At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
God, I missed his penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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