I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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