don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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