It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
