ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize