I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
