i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
