I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
