Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
