im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
