what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
